‘The greatest statesman of our era’
Once again TMB brings you a round-up of the major news stories from the last twelve months, which is our way of helping you impress everyone at the New Year’s Eve party with your amazing memory (and not at all an easy way of churning out an article without actually doing any work):
Nigella Lawson in ‘married to utter arsehole’ shock
Cameron and Clegg in secret love triangle with Mugabe
Romania and Bulgaria ready to be airlifted across the North Sea and joined up to the East coast of England
Defence Secretary fires Isle of Wight into space, ‘where it can do no more harm’
‘NSA doesn’t give a shit about me’ weeps unmonitored Vince Cable
St Jimmy Savile canonised by Catholic Church for ‘ministry to children’
Lid falls off Pandora’s box, Jason Donovan found inside
‘I am surprised, but honoured’ John Major wins Oscar for Best Director
Scientists make up huge bunch of shit too complex for normal people to disprove
‘You’re fired!’ God sacks Pope Benedict, Apprentice-style
Duchess of Cambridge ‘inexplicably fat’
Fox News reporters’ team wins Super Bowl
Baroness Thatcher finally defeated in her lair by heavily-armoured Tom Daley on horseback
Plague of locusts, bailiffs and S Club 7 accompanies birth of Royal Prince
US government shutdown: ‘We just can’t be assed’ say lazy, fat Americans
Creationists discover God-particle inside Squeezy Cheese
South Africa: Morgan Freeman accidentally buried alive in Mandela’s grave
H from Steps crucified by Daily Mail readers
Russia resets calendar to 1001 AD
Vinnie Jones ‘technically too stupid to breathe’ say doctors
